It’s amazing how fast the year has gone by. Yet, when I think back to the beginning of it, that time seems so far away. In the beginning of 2017, I was a different person. I was suffering and hoping that changes weren’t so far away.
I had started a new anti-depressant and was given anti-anxiety meds for an as needed basis. I was seeing a psychiatrist for these prescriptions. I was also under the care of a new psychologist, who I had hoped could help where the other therapist could not. I had repeatedly extended my leave from work, because I wasn’t in a position to return.
Even with all that, I had hope. I was stuck, but I was in a position to know that it could all change. Good things could come if I tried. Spoiler alert – I tried and things are so much better.
I could summarize this year no better than stating it was full of struggles and growth. I suffered from postpartum depression and anxiety. It tore me from my former identity and I could not come to terms with what or who I was supposed to be. When I got back to work, I felt out of place. I continued to struggle with motherhood as well. My whole life felt in shambles.
Yet, despite all that, I can still say that 2017 was still a year of growth. Surviving through all those things made me a stronger person. I’m not as afraid of things as I used to be. I was forced to deal with my fears and unhealthy thoughts. I had no choice to but go through difficult situations. In doing this, I found myself stronger than I had been before.
Now, on this final day of the year, I can say proudly that I am no longer suffering from PPD and PPA. I am close to weaning off my medication and I go to therapy for maintenance purposes only. Today is the result of a lot of work and effort. It meant a lot of reconciliation and coming to terms for who I was, why and what lay ahead. Today means that I’m a much stronger person, with more meaning to my life than I thought possible. For once, I am happy with the person I have come to be. I don’t judge as much as I used to, and I find myself being more patient and understanding than before.
I couldn’t come to these terms without the struggle. My growth would not be the same without it. Because of it, I am a better person and I look forward to what I can do in the coming year.
I want to also thank all of you for helping me on this journey. For a long time, I wanted to find a way to help others. I wanted a way to continue my old love of writing. This blog and your support had been therapeutic, and I will always be grateful for that.
I wish all of you a prosperous and happy 2018. I am looking forward to it!