Too Soon For Goodbyes

The moment I heard it, I felt the familiar sting in my heart. A sudden, strong feeling that ached with the beginnings of loss. A mix of disbelief, fear and raw sadness rushed through me, resulting in an outburst of tears. No one could have prepared us for what this year would bring. It was … Continue reading Too Soon For Goodbyes

Motherless on Mother’s Day

Yesterday, a friend asked how I felt about Mother’s Day. “Do you think of your mother during Mother’s Day typically?” It seemed like a very strange question. Maybe intrusive. Maybe just something out of sheer curiosity from someone who doesn’t understand loss in that way. Still, while the question was strange to think of, the … Continue reading Motherless on Mother’s Day

2019 Reflections

Everyone does it, but this is something that I've done for years. I remember distinctly sitting on the couch in my elementary school years, writing in my pink My Melody secret diary. It was New Years Eve, and I told myself that I would always remember what I did in the year, what I learned … Continue reading 2019 Reflections

Because of Brianna

I don't remember how I came across her store. I only remember that I liked the atmosphere and variety in it. It didn't feel commercial or general like the big name stores. There was a great feel to it. As a new mom, I was happy that there was a place where I could actually … Continue reading Because of Brianna

Scatterbrained

I see the dates, but they don't click. I agree to them, but they don't commit to memory. Maybe, it's because everyday is now the same day. I don't have the life of a career woman and it only feels as if I'm halfway committing to being a stay at home mom. I have a … Continue reading Scatterbrained

The Lonely Night

Things wind down, and I eventually begin my evening routine. It's without much purpose, without any preparation for the next day. There aren't a list of things planned for the next day. In fact, every day feels like a Saturday. It's dark. It's generally quiet - only the sounds of my husband and son sleeping … Continue reading The Lonely Night

An Unexpected Ending

The day began like many others: a flurry of emails, inquiries to respond to, reports and issues to troubleshoot. I had planned to work on the prep for some large upcoming projects. I was sure to make headway on a lot of pending tasks. Then, mid afternoon, I went to a meeting. The next thing … Continue reading An Unexpected Ending

Every Single Word

We glance back and forth and play, but the conversation is one sided. We mime and move in exaggerated motions. I hope for sound. I speak in long, sing-song tones. I gesture and smile. I try my best to coax the "right" response. It never comes. Instead, my young son smiles back at me, and … Continue reading Every Single Word

Surviving the Holidays with Postpartum Depression and Anxiety

The holidays are my favorite time of the year. I love what the season represents. I love giving gifts, helping others and being with family and friends. It had always been a special time for me. Yet, that wasn't the case a couple years ago. My son was only a couple months old and I … Continue reading Surviving the Holidays with Postpartum Depression and Anxiety

Weaning Off My Antidepressant

In September, my psychiatrist agreed that I was finally ready to wean off of my antidepressant. I had been doing very well, and have since fully recovered from Postpartum Depression and Anxiety. My therapist echoed the sentiment, citing numerous recent visits where I had shown tremendous improvement. I felt better and more confident than I … Continue reading Weaning Off My Antidepressant