Every now and then it resurfaces. It’s old, and slightly out of focus. The faded colors and rounded edges make it distinctive from all the others in the collection. In it, are two individuals captured at a time when life was harder, but things were happier.
Every now and then, I hold the grainy photo in my hands, wondering what it was like for them. My mother, with me in her swollen belly. My father, smiling big with his arm around her shoulder. So young and vibrant, embarking together on a new chapter in their life.
I wonder, did we feel the same things they felt ? Was it a mix of both fear and anticipation?
My mother’s demure smile held so many secrets. How did she feel being so young and expecting ? Was she scared to be pregnant, without her family, and in a new country ? Was it a difficult pregnancy? Did I kick or move a lot?
The electricity in my father’s smile also evoked questions. His smile told me he had a wonderful time, but I wonder if there was some new father fear mixed in. I wonder how he felt with this new impending responsibility – something he had not had to deal with in over 10 years.
The other part of me is filled with sadness. Those videos and the people in it are long gone – and all that remains are these out of focus photos. They aren’t here for my son to know. They aren’t here to confirm if his energy was like mine when I was younger. They can’t walk me through the scary and fun moments of parenthood. All I have left are the smiling faces.
All photos from stocksnap.io