Too Soon For Goodbyes

The moment I heard it, I felt the familiar sting in my heart. A sudden, strong feeling that ached with the beginnings of loss. A mix of disbelief, fear and raw sadness rushed through me, resulting in an outburst of tears. No one could have prepared us for what this year would bring. It was … Continue reading Too Soon For Goodbyes

Motherless on Mother’s Day

Yesterday, a friend asked how I felt about Mother’s Day. “Do you think of your mother during Mother’s Day typically?” It seemed like a very strange question. Maybe intrusive. Maybe just something out of sheer curiosity from someone who doesn’t understand loss in that way. Still, while the question was strange to think of, the … Continue reading Motherless on Mother’s Day

2019 Reflections

Everyone does it, but this is something that I've done for years. I remember distinctly sitting on the couch in my elementary school years, writing in my pink My Melody secret diary. It was New Years Eve, and I told myself that I would always remember what I did in the year, what I learned … Continue reading 2019 Reflections

A Farewell to Sensei

I looked up and down the boards, hoping that something would call to me. I had very little job experience, but I knew that I needed something more stable, more fulfilling to do, while I continued my studies. I wanted something different, something that would teach me valuable skills and obviously, something that helped pay … Continue reading A Farewell to Sensei

The Folder

For many years, it sat alone in a box. So much time has passed, that the contents within really didn't apply. Each time I looked at it, I created a mental note to get rid of it. Yet, even after over a decade of the final events, the folder remained. It was created out of … Continue reading The Folder

Scatterbrained

I see the dates, but they don't click. I agree to them, but they don't commit to memory. Maybe, it's because everyday is now the same day. I don't have the life of a career woman and it only feels as if I'm halfway committing to being a stay at home mom. I have a … Continue reading Scatterbrained

The Lonely Night

Things wind down, and I eventually begin my evening routine. It's without much purpose, without any preparation for the next day. There aren't a list of things planned for the next day. In fact, every day feels like a Saturday. It's dark. It's generally quiet - only the sounds of my husband and son sleeping … Continue reading The Lonely Night

An Unexpected Ending

The day began like many others: a flurry of emails, inquiries to respond to, reports and issues to troubleshoot. I had planned to work on the prep for some large upcoming projects. I was sure to make headway on a lot of pending tasks. Then, mid afternoon, I went to a meeting. The next thing … Continue reading An Unexpected Ending

The Painful Truth

Sometimes, late at night, I'm reminded of this painful truth.  While everyone else is sound asleep, I am awake and alone with the realization of something very certain. Inevitably, tears stream my face. They fall without any accompanying sounds, and I always try to shut my eyes tighter to make them stop.  It's all in … Continue reading The Painful Truth

Surviving a Goodbye

Someone within our family just recently passed away. I didn't know them too well. I did know of their life, and the struggles they've had to endure.  Sadly, they left behind a young child. My heart broke at the thought of how young this person was - the particular circumstances of their life wasn't easy. … Continue reading Surviving a Goodbye