After my father had passed, I was stuck. The past years were a whirlwind of school, work, family, hospitals and more work. I wasn’t focused on myself too much, and just really did what I could to keep chugging along. It also meant that I made unhealthy choices when it came to my own well-being.
Once my father had passed, I didn’t know what to do with myself. Suddenly, the time and the energy I had spent helping him was free. I felt guilty for it. I didn’t know what to do with it. It felt wrong to go out and do something for myself. So, instead, I just worked. I really didn’t know how to do anything else.
I suppose all these years, I never once thought about my mental or healthy well-being. I just thought that my life was what it was, and I was never going to be the ideal of anything. I ate what I wanted, whenever I wanted, and I believed I wasn’t ever going to be good at being healthy. I wasn’t morbidly obese or wearing plus size clothing, but I was certainly on my way.
I hated looking at myself in the mirror. I loved shopping, but never for clothes because nothing ever fit right. I looked like a short, very round person. Everything was oversized and…lumpy. I only loved shopping for shoes and handbags, because I could never look fat in those. I tried to squeeze myself into body shapers and slimmers, because I refused to admit that I had a problem.
6 months later, I found myself in a cardiologist’s office, discussing some sort of indicator that signaled I might have problems in the future. The cardiologist I initially saw wasn’t the nicest, but she did bring me down to reality. I was a tiny person, who weighed too much and was nowhere near a healthy lifestyle. My father used to always warn me about being unhealthy. He had become overweight, and had suffered from a heart conditions and diabetes. Ultimately, it was these ailments that attributed to his condition. I hated the idea, but I was on my way to becoming that way.
Seeing all the things that could happen to me, and remembering how bad I felt about myself jolted me into action. I wanted to get better. I had to be healthier. I was tired of hating myself, being jealous of others, and being embarrassed over appearances. It was time for me to take care of myself. I did not want to end up like my father did.
Long story short, I did it. I was very adamant about eating right and working out. I lost over 30 pounds in about a year. I loved the South Beach and Mediterranean Diets, and my daily exercise motto was “5k every day!”. The determination and drive made the results that much more satisfying.
Years later, I find myself in the same circumstances (albeit different reasons). I am creeping up to my pregnancy weight due to stress and unhealthy eating. I find myself feeling bad about my appearances, and wishing things were better. Today, is a new day. I am pulling out my old tools and going to relive that life once again. So far so good….!
I’ll be checking in once a while on progress for accountability – it’s going to be a slow process, but worth it!