I used to readily admit that I was a negative person – easily irritated, and never believed that things would just work out. I suppose it had a lot to do with my past and the experiences I’ve been through. I was perpetually cranky. When people questioned the irritable look on my face, I figured I just suffered from RFP (Resting B*&ch Face) and it was just that. I was fine.
Looking back, I wasn’t always fine. There was a line between having a bad day, and just being miserable, and I crossed it a long time ago. There was always something to complain about, something to judge, something to talk negatively about. There were times where I would start the day being irritable, and I would end the day feeling the same. Sometimes, the conversations with friends would be a never-ending vent session (sorry guys!!), and other times, I’d try to spin it into a sarcastic comical story. At one point, I even joked that the only positive thing in my body was my blood type. In the end, it was still being negative. It was a never-ending cycle.
It wasn’t until I started recovering from Postpartum Depression and Anxiety that I truly saw how cranky I had become. It was just so tiring being annoyed at everything. So much effort being spent on focusing on the negative parts of life – that I actually missed a lot of the good things . I didn’t even realize how much my attitude was affecting the people around me. Friends, family, co-workers, anyone who would listen. There were times that I found myself telling the same annoyed stories to the same people. When they reminded me that I had already mentioned those things, I would stay silent – I had no idea what else to talk about.
With the therapy and medication, I have so much more clarity over my previous behavior. I don’t want to be that negative anymore. Being annoyed at everything is timed wasted. Sure, it’s normal to be annoyed at things, but to carry with you all day and affect your life? No, not normal. Not fun, and really, it was just TIRING.
Nowadays, when something bothers me, I let it run it’s course, but only to a certain point. I don’t repress the feelings, because it will make it worse. I mention my feelings to some people, and allow myself to be open to any suggestions they have on dealing with it. I might not agree with everything they say, but being open and really thinking about things helps the negativity dissipate. I’m also telling myself that I can’t control everything around me. It’s ok to be cranky sometimes, but not all the time. Find the silver lining in things, and if I can’t, do something else and move on. Because I’ve been negative for so long, it does take some getting used to. But so far, from what I see, I feel an improvement overall. That’s a huge thing when you think about what’s happened in the past year!
I had a joke with a friend that we both suffered from RBF. Her birthday recently passed, and I got her something that gave us both a laugh and a new outlook. Sure, we might suffer from RBF….but now it’s this RBF: