The Pile

July

I glanced at the clock. “Good,” I thought to myself. “I still have 20 minutes left.”  I try on item after item – each one finding themselves rejected and tossed onto my bed. In no time, the pile has gotten bigger, and I have made no progress.

Nothing fits. Nothing. 

I stare at the mirror in both sadness and disgust. Thirty minutes have gone by and I have nothing to wear. A closet full of things – and here I am empty handed. I feel ugly, fat and most of all, I feel that I’m a failure. I feel like I’ve regressed to my past self and I am once again, round and unhealthy.

August

The pile is still there. Messy, and in the way. It’s a reminder of everything that went wrong with my health.  Of course, nothing fits.  Why would it? What have I done to change it?

It didn’t matter that I had a baby. That was months ago. He’s almost a year now. What excuse did I have ?

I look in the mirror and wonder who the stranger is staring back at me. I look back at the pile with shame. Each piece seem to add to the disappointment.

September

Does it seem a little smaller? Could the changes really be making a difference?  I stare at the mirror and wonder. How long before I see the old me again? One month down, but so many more to go.

The pile remains, I’m hoping not for much longer.

 

 

25 thoughts on “The Pile

  1. Pingback: The Meat Market | This Mommy is Real

  2. I agree with Shelbibritton! Start fresh. =) Your body and YOU is because you gave the wonderful gift of life. Rock that body and find clothes that make you feel fabulous about how you look right now. Easier said than done of course. haha. You are a beautiful amazing mother. Be proud of you!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I never went back to my previous size. But I was a size zero before my child. I’m a small girl all around. 5’3 and all. It took me a while to accept the fact that I could lose all the weight but my hips would never go back. Took 3 yrs but I did it. Loving your body is so important.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Big fat cuddle coming your way!! I know the struggle is real and there are so many of us suffering too, but focus on being healthy and a good role model for your family, that’s what we should all cherish. Good luck with the pile, you’ll get there, hang in there.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Yay for progress! I’m in the middle of feeling gross again and my baby is 18 months old. I feel like coming to the end of breastfeeding has unleashed some gnarly hormones that are wreaking havoc with my skin, energy, mood, and waistline. It’s time to start making some changes instead of letting the downward spiral get ahold of me.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I guess we all have been there but its easier to handle it when I see my little one! I mean, our body will never be same after giving birth! Ok, some seems to be loosing the kgs just by breathing but we are not all the same. Start small, step by step and dont think change will happen over a night. Its hard but we can do it!❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Very heartfelt- I think most moms can relate to how you feel. The good news is the pile will eventually be gone, but we are our children’s whole world for only so long. Hugs.

    Liked by 1 person

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