Too Much

Post baby, I had a plan. I had to get out of my PPD / PPA rut and focus a bit on myself. I took on a number of things to help connect to my hobbies or old parts of me. The next thing you know, my mind was always running: baby, Poshmark, baby, work, chatting with friends, blog / Poshmark, baby, Poshmark / blog, baby, exercise????, Poshmark?, more chatting, Sleep (eventually..)

It was an endless loop that kept spinning. Everyday was like this. Even during my work hours, parts of my brain were thinking about these things. I felt slightly anxious right before bed because there was so much going on. Day after day, the pressure was there. I felt like if I didn’t do these things, I may fail. About what? I didn’t quite know.

Someone had even asked me if I was taking on too much too soon. I didn’t know what to say or how to let go. I just knew I had to choose a path…but how and when? More importantly, how did I get here?

____

I quit Poshmark during the latter half of my pregnancy and for the first few months of m son’s life. It can be consuming and addictive and it wasn’t worth missing out on my son. I started up again slowly. I really enjoyed it, and I needed something relatively easy for me. Unfortunately, it began to take over. I wanted to succeed at it. That meant more sales. More inventory. More listing. Being successful in Poshmark means engagement. So, I tried to do that. Though I followed the 30mm, I did it more often than once a day, hoping that increased engagement meant more success.

As I mentioned before, I started blogging as a form of therapy. I also thought it would be a way to reach others who felt like me or wanted to understand.  Writing is one thing. Getting the exposure and traffic is another.  Soon after, I began participating in a few blogging share groups and signed up for instagram, pinterest and twitter pods.  Blogging became a job.  Write the post, create a graphic, post by a certain time, share to all groups, comment on all groups, post to pods, reciprocate.  Because I never had a good chunk of time to do it all at once, these activities were spread throughout the day, every day. Soon, blogging, while still somewhat enjoyable, lost a bit of the joy.

Then, it all hit. I was consumed by these two things.  I found myself taking my free time finding ways to do them, but neglecting my own self care (including exercise), I was also too tired or drained to be as engaging as I should be with my family. I found myself wondering about posts and catching up. They were distracting me from just about everything else. My priorities were not right.

Yesterday, I decided that I would only engage  in one share group post, and comment here and there on the pods. No blog posts, or even prepping for one. I did a few things on Poshmark to try boost sales, but I held myself to a time limit.  Sure, my engagement levels dropped. A lot less people saw my blog.  I didn’t really sell on Poshmark. On the other hand, I was less consumed. My mind was clear enough to focus on some tedious and difficult tasks at work. I jogged with my family. I spent time with them.

What this all means is that I was in a constant being of “too much”. Spreading myself thin unnecessarily. No one asks me to make those commitments, and no one expects them of me.  I was doing them out of my own feelings of obligation. To whom, I don’t know. I used to feel disappointment when I was rushing to follow through. Yesterday, I was more at ease and focused on my self-care.

From this moment, I’m going to set more realistic expectations for myself.  The blog will be there when I need it, and Poshmark will always be a hobby.  Family, exercise, and living well – that is a must!

💙,jenn

Stock image from stocksnap.io, artist Jimmy Bay

 

 

via Daily Prompt: Loop

22 thoughts on “Too Much

  1. Hey Jenn,

    I really enjoyed blogging so far as I had shared in a recent comment that I am new to the mommy blogging world!

    It’s exciting, but at the same time, can be over whelming as I am a full time working mom and have a 1 year old so my time is pretty tight. Like you, I fear the same thing too —failure!

    Wow—hearing how busy you are and for you to take your time to comment back and even take a peek at my page…sigh— I am feeling so appreciative that you did that for me…

    BTW- thanks for the follow!

    Charlotte

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Wow! Even I had mamma blues for atleast 1 year, and my mental state was horrible. I like your post and how you’ve found an opportunity to unleash your creativity out this condition or situation, and gradually came out of post-natal blues. Found writing as an outlet. Me too! Great post.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. It really is a struggle trying to balance family, work and hobbies. Sometimes as mothers we put aside our own needs to take care of others which can be a bad habit. As the glue that holds the family together, we have to be in our best shape—mentally and physically—in order to fully be present.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. This is me right now. I have a 7 y.o. and we want to have another one, but I know I cannot yet, not with me growing what suppose to be our brand, our vehicle to live more freely. Sadly I am stuck in the grind of early entrepreneurship and I wish I found this before we had our first baby.

    Thank you for sharing, it’s really comforting to know that I’m so not alone.
    Follow your blog (from a different email) because of this post.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I know exactly how you feel! I started blogging more and pursuing it as a profession after my son was born because I thought it would help us bring in more income. As my blog grew, so did the responsibilities. It’s a job that feels like a never-ending job and you find yourself feeling pressured to do more and more. There are never enough hours in the day and your mind is constantly feeling the need to jump back in, get more posts up and do more social engagement. But you are right, it starts to steal the joy from your everyday life. I’ve since cut back and tried to limit the amount of time I spend on it too.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Ugh, Jenn, I totally feel you. It is SO EASY to get caught up in the rat race known as blogging. Honestly I feel like people can never keep with what’s expected because it just seems to keep getting bigger! I love your honesty.and I can totally relate.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Thank you for this post. You have to take care of yourself first and although writing is therapeutic, the marketing takes up even more time. May God bless you.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Thanks for sharing …. the time post baby (especially your first) is really tough to find the balance between baby and yourself. But self care is so important. even though you are quite house bound I really tried to have projects for myself so i felt like I was growing. I took on cooking and knitting – it really helped me!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Thanks for sharing your thoughts! I recently cut back on my blogging engagement, as well. I very rarely participate in threads, and have noticed a dip in my engagement, but I am more present with my children, so that’s how it’s going to be for now 🙂

    Like

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