Post baby, I had a plan. I had to get out of my PPD / PPA rut and focus a bit on myself. I took on a number of things to help connect to my hobbies or old parts of me. The next thing you know, my mind was always running: baby, Poshmark, baby, work, chatting with friends, blog / Poshmark, baby, Poshmark / blog, baby, exercise????, Poshmark?, more chatting, Sleep (eventually..)
It was an endless loop that kept spinning. Everyday was like this. Even during my work hours, parts of my brain were thinking about these things. I felt slightly anxious right before bed because there was so much going on. Day after day, the pressure was there. I felt like if I didn’t do these things, I may fail. About what? I didn’t quite know.
Someone had even asked me if I was taking on too much too soon. I didn’t know what to say or how to let go. I just knew I had to choose a path…but how and when? More importantly, how did I get here?
I quit Poshmark during the latter half of my pregnancy and for the first few months of m son’s life. It can be consuming and addictive and it wasn’t worth missing out on my son. I started up again slowly. I really enjoyed it, and I needed something relatively easy for me. Unfortunately, it began to take over. I wanted to succeed at it. That meant more sales. More inventory. More listing. Being successful in Poshmark means engagement. So, I tried to do that. Though I followed the 30mm, I did it more often than once a day, hoping that increased engagement meant more success.
As I mentioned before, I started blogging as a form of therapy. I also thought it would be a way to reach others who felt like me or wanted to understand. Writing is one thing. Getting the exposure and traffic is another. Soon after, I began participating in a few blogging share groups and signed up for instagram, pinterest and twitter pods. Blogging became a job. Write the post, create a graphic, post by a certain time, share to all groups, comment on all groups, post to pods, reciprocate. Because I never had a good chunk of time to do it all at once, these activities were spread throughout the day, every day. Soon, blogging, while still somewhat enjoyable, lost a bit of the joy.
Then, it all hit. I was consumed by these two things. I found myself taking my free time finding ways to do them, but neglecting my own self care (including exercise), I was also too tired or drained to be as engaging as I should be with my family. I found myself wondering about posts and catching up. They were distracting me from just about everything else. My priorities were not right.
Yesterday, I decided that I would only engage in one share group post, and comment here and there on the pods. No blog posts, or even prepping for one. I did a few things on Poshmark to try boost sales, but I held myself to a time limit. Sure, my engagement levels dropped. A lot less people saw my blog. I didn’t really sell on Poshmark. On the other hand, I was less consumed. My mind was clear enough to focus on some tedious and difficult tasks at work. I jogged with my family. I spent time with them.
What this all means is that I was in a constant being of “too much”. Spreading myself thin unnecessarily. No one asks me to make those commitments, and no one expects them of me. I was doing them out of my own feelings of obligation. To whom, I don’t know. I used to feel disappointment when I was rushing to follow through. Yesterday, I was more at ease and focused on my self-care.
From this moment, I’m going to set more realistic expectations for myself. The blog will be there when I need it, and Poshmark will always be a hobby. Family, exercise, and living well – that is a must!