After the recommendation was given, I sat in silence. I didn't want to believe what the doctor was saying. I heard both good and bad things, but after all that I've been through, I didn't want to face another failure or painful thing. A couple agonizing months had already passed. I could do this no … Continue reading Speak Up!
The First Year
Around this time last year, I felt like I needed something new. I was still recovering from Postpartum Depression and Anxiety. Still, I had made great strides in my recovery. I was able to talk about my feelings with less fear. I had found a great therapist who was teaching me new coping skills. I … Continue reading The First Year
It seemed so unfair. I was finally making progress with my recovery from Postpartum Depression and Anxiety. I was finally starting to enjoy motherhood. Yet, I had to leave that all behind and go back to being in the corporate world. It’s hard to believe, but a year ago today, I went back to work … Continue reading 365 Days
Transitioning To a Working Mommy
No matter how long you've been on maternity leave, coming back to work is tough. There are so many changes involved with pregnancy and motherhood. Transition to the workplace doesn't make that easier. Factor in PPD / PPA and you've got a LOT going on. There are so many changes mentally and hormonal to deal … Continue reading Transitioning To a Working Mommy
When Does It Get Better?
It's a question I asked many times. I heard it often in support groups. When you're suffering from Postpartum Depression and Postpartum Anxiety, you want this answer more than anything. When will I even feel better? How am I ever going to feel "normal"? My opinion? With time. It's not an easy answer to accept. … Continue reading When Does It Get Better?
Struggle and Growth
It’s amazing how fast the year has gone by. Yet, when I think back to the beginning of it, that time seems so far away. In the beginning of 2017, I was a different person. I was suffering and hoping that changes weren't so far away. I had started a new anti-depressant and was given … Continue reading Struggle and Growth
At 7 weeks old, she felt like a feather. Her soft cries signaled hunger. She quietly drank from her bottle as I tucked her closer. I looked at her small face and tried to remember - what was this like ? After only but a few minutes, she was passed on to another friend - … Continue reading Stolen Memories
A Look Back
A friend of mine recently gave birth in the very same hospital that I did. Certain details of our experiences were close. We went into labor early due to unexpected circumstances. Her son weighed and measured closely to mine. They were placed one room away from where I was. Yet, in many ways, we were … Continue reading A Look Back
The days would go by, and there was a countdown. Inevitably, my husband would have to return to work. We were only half way through his paternity leave, but I was still terrified. I knew that in a matter of time, my son and I would be alone. I had convinced myself that I was … Continue reading The Breakdown
Trapped by Fixation
I found myself focusing on nothing else. I was a problem solver. I did things right. I was known for striving for perfection. Yet, I couldn’t win at this. I could not for the life of me win at (new) motherhood. I just didn’t know what to do. I didn’t understand what I had to … Continue reading Trapped by Fixation