In this edition of a Mommy Story, we meet Sigoni . Finding herself in the most difficult of situations, Sigoni found a way to live a life that she and her son deserved.
I used to despise fairy tales, because no matter how much we wanted them to be, they weren’t reality based at all. But I’ll admit it. The reason why I felt this way was because I was jealous of every Princess’ “Happily Ever After.”
Do you believe that everything happens for a reason? I clearly did not, and I laughed at anyone who told me differently. I wallowed in self-pity, asking myself what I did to deserve all of the negativity that entered my life. Then, one day my eyes were opened. I found peace and changed my outlook on life. Now, I am the happiest that I have ever been. I came out of a relationship bruised and battered, both mentally and physically. Although this was the worst experience I’ve ever gone through, I’m overjoyed that it happened. Does that seem strange?
Once upon a time, a girl met a boy. This boy was sweet, caring, supportive, and unbeknownst to her, a master of manipulation. Unfortunately, this relationship didn’t just end with a breakup. I learned that every word out of his mouth was a lie; from his family life, his past, his job, and where he was from. To be honest, I didn’t even know who this person really was. I found this out after I had a child with him.
Call me an idiot, call me a fool and I’ll agree with you. I was completely brainwashed by this person to the point where my relationships with friends and family slowly fell apart. They hated him and, for the life of me, I could not see why. That’s what happens when you’re too blind to see the truth.
The relationship ended before the birth of my son due to his lies and verbal abuse. I remained civil, but soon realized that he could care less about my son. What he cared about was to control me and win his game of manipulation.
When I caught him in his last lie, things became physical. He pushed my six-month-old son out of his car seat, choked me until he was startled by my neighbor, and ran after she called the police.
The very next day I submitted my application for a restraining order. For weeks, he harassed me every second of the day, stalked me, and threatened my life. He texted me when I bought a new car and knew who I was with when I did it. When I would visit a friend, he would send me a picture of a license plate on a car sitting in the driveway with a message saying, “I see you.” When I was staying with my mom, he would blare the bass of his car when he drove past… every single day. These actions resulted in my reason for moving four and a half hours away.
My son was traumatized. Months after it happened, he would scream every time someone touched me because he thought they were going to hurt me. It was heart wrenching.
Fast forward two years and the harassment and death threats continued. Because he harassed me from all kinds of different numbers and emails without ever stating his name, he was never held in contempt. By this point, I was broken. I became paranoid and I went to therapy. No matter where I was, (and still to this day) if I heard the bass of a car, my heart would start racing and my hands would start shaking. I was terrified to get a job because that meant leaving my son in daycare. The thought of him not being there when I picked him up made me hyperventilate. When you’re constantly told for two years that you’re worthless and no one will ever want to be with you, you start to believe it. My self-esteem was shot.
I became desperate to be with someone because I hated being alone and I told myself I would just have to settle. Do not do this. Especially if you have a child. I realized how stupid I was being and, practically overnight, completely changed my mindset. I stopped feeling sorry for myself and started to DO something about it.
I went back to school, started a new job, had a very long discussion with my son’s new daycare, made connections, and then found my passion. I was done settling, done trying to make others happy, done with the self-pity. I knew I could turn my life around if I actually tried. So I did.
Are you still curious as to why I am happy after all of this happened? If this situation didn’t occur, I wouldn’t have moved in with my sister, who has now become my best friend. My mom and I would still be fighting like we always were. I would still be stuck in the same soul-sucking town I had always wanted to escape. I would still be naïve and irresponsible. Most importantly, I wouldn’t have my son who is the BEST thing that has ever happened to me. I also wouldn’t have met the Fairy Tale Prince I call a husband that I refused to believe existed.
Listen, what happened, sucked! I couldn’t explain it all in great detail, but it was by far the worst experience in my life. But the things that happen in our lives don’t define us. What defines us is what we do in that situation and how we grow from it.
When you’re faced with difficult times, tell yourself that there is a reason this is happening. Focus on finding a way to fix or move past that problem and take it one day at a time. Don’t get too caught up in thinking ‘what if’ or what could possibly happen in the future. Focus on today. Focus on yourself. Focus on your children.
Recently, I heard someone talk about happiness being a choice. Happiness, anger, depression; these are all emotions. It is not easy to just come out and choose happiness. It is a process. Believe me, I did NOT think this way when I would cry every night after my son went to sleep. It took me a while to get out of it, but if you really focus on improving yourself each day instead of focusing on the bad, then good things will follow. You will feel more confident and in control of your life. We get one life and WE choose what to do with it. Try to find the light in every situation you can. If something doesn’t go as planned, understand that you cannot change what happened but you can change how you let it affect you. “Shit happens. If life was simple and easy there would be no stories. A great story starts when shit happens.” (Simeon Lindstrom) It’s your choice to give yourself a happy ending.
Update: Sigoni has published 9 steps to take back your life. She was inspired to help others after writing this guest post. Check it out!
Bio: Sigoni is a Crochet and Family Life blogger who focuses on creating Quick Tips for Moms who need a Humorous look at the Hardships of Parenting. Her blog is also for those Innovative Mommas who need a Creative Outlet to help them Destress while also creating EASY, but awe-inspiring things for their children! Visit her at www.SigoniMacaroni.com.