Just Friends 

Random entry time! Two stories and then a question. 


Friend A:

We met in college, and we had a lot of similar interests and goals. We had the same odd humor and were able to confide in one other very easily. I was there for them for each of their relationships. They were there for me even after college, when my now husband had to work late and long hours. I wasn’t always alone because they were there to keep me company from time to time. Even after our lives have changed (marriages, jobs, different cities), every now and then we will talk and catch up. They always make me laugh. Though months may go by without talking to one another, we are still able to chat as easily as if we were still in those college days. 

Friend B:

When we met, we were both very professional and cordial. It wasn’t until later that we discovered we actually had a things in common. We shared a lot of the same views in life and career. We ended up being similar project together and thus were had to talk nearly daily. We were always very professional. In the end, since we interacted so much, a friendship developed that was somewhat similar to what I felt with friend A.  Although we are no longer in the same industry, we keep in touch from time to time. Again, we are able to chat as if time wasn’t lost. 

What’s the significance of these two friends?

They are both male. Because I had such a great friendship with these two guys, some people inferred or joked that there was something more. Some couldn’t believe it was possible to have a platonic relationship. 

My husband was always in the picture. He never became jealous because he trusted me in my choice of friends. These two friends have their own relationships. Ours has never ever been romantic.

So, it’s strange to me that some people couldn’t handle if their significant other has friends of the opposite sex. I know a few who have said if they were the wife / girlfriend of my friends, they would feel a bit uneasy about me. I know a few who prefer that their spouses or boyfriends do not befriend women. 

I think it’s very possible to have platonic relationships. Neither my husband or I am uncomfortable about them. I think the key aspect of this all is that I spend the same amount of time with my male friends as I would with the female ones.  There is no difference. And, we all make the time and effort for our spouses and families. 

What’s your opinion? 

💙,jenn

Stock photo from stock snap.io, artist Nathan Dumlao 

26 thoughts on “Just Friends 

  1. I believe it’s up to the individual. What is acceptable for one sometimes doesn’t work for someone else due to their beliefs, how they were raised etc. Challenging from both sides.

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  2. Matthew Hussey has such a great perspective on this. You shouldn’t be told who to be friends with, but it’s also your responsibility to not act secretive or anything, and also to make your partner feel included. You are a unit with your spouse and it’s your responsibility to make them feel included and not suspicious, even when there isn’t anything to be suspicious of.

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  3. I’m with you on this. It takes a high level of trust and self-confidence in each other and in yourself. Some couples are just not as secure in themselves and their relationships, even if they’re married, to have these kinds of friendships. But I think it’s very possible.

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  4. I had the same situation and my significant other was not as understanding as your husband. Mostly because of what happened in his past relationships. Women and men can have a platonic relationship as long as a line is established

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  5. Most my closest friends have been men over the years! My husband was actually (and still is) my best friend ever for years before we realized there was more there! Even now, I’m closer to male coworkers, etc. and it’s totally platonic (and a bit nauseating to even try to consider more! lol)

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    • I’m glad you have some good friends there! I have another friend like you and people wondered why she had so many male friends. I thought nothing of it. They were a cool bunch of guys.

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  6. My mom’s oldest friend was a man. He passed away a few years ago, but they would still frequently talk. He and his wife/family lived in Chicago and we lived in Utah. I think it is possible for some people to be friends with the opposite sex.

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  7. I think it’s totally possible for your SO to have an opposite sex friend. My boyfriend and I each do and neither one of us thinks anything of it. I think that it has a lot to do with trust, simple as that. Great post! 🙂

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  8. Jenn,
    I’m the same way as you. Two of my closest friends who I’ve had since childhood are male. They have always been 100% platonic, almost like brothers to me. My husband met them shortly after he met me, so how he could not be ok with me continuing to hang out with them? In recent years I’ve had female friends say things like their husband would never be ok with opposite sex friendships and to me that’s just sad. I guess I feel fortunate that my husband and have such a trusting relationship that it’s never been an issue.

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  9. For me, that’s a tough one. Maybe I care too much what people would say/think. My husband & I have a high level of trust, and we do have friends of the opposite sex, but those friendships are somewhat distant or detached. Even though it wasn’t asked of me, when I got married I guess I did gradually back off of those friendships. Maybe now they’re more of acquaintances. Im too shy to make friends easily, so nearly all of my friends have been around since childhood but some of us just “grew apart” once we made our own little families.

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    • Yes, it’s so easy for all of us to grow apart. I don’t ever hang out with big groups and i tend to keep more in touch with the smaller groups of people. Just happens that some of them are male.

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  10. I think if you are an adult you should act like one. And picking who should and shouldn’t be your spouses friends is being very childish. We all can pick our own kind of people to be around,

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