No matter how long you’ve been on maternity leave, coming back to work is tough. There are so many changes involved with pregnancy and motherhood. Transition to the workplace doesn’t make that easier. Factor in PPD / PPA and you’ve got a LOT going on. There are so many changes mentally and hormonal to deal with. Then, there’s the uncomfortable feeling of leaving your child behind. Going back to work isn’t on the top of anyone’s list. As a result, the transition can be challenging.
I remember what it felt like the first few weeks. It was not easy. I couldn’t concentrate on anything. My mind wandered and many times, I was confused. Everyday a number of thoughts would circle my mind.
“I feel like a foreigner”. Before I left, I was so sure of who I was and what I did. When I came back, I felt like a completely different person. When people asked me how it felt coming back, I could only say that I felt like I was in a foreign country. I was afraid to admit that I didn’t belong, and nothing felt familiar. I was so unbelievably lost and alone. It was as if the workplace was a piece of a far distant past – so long ago that it was an inconceivable role for me to play. I could not function properly. This was not something I felt I could do.
“Maybe I should be a SAHM. Was this a mistake?” As much I suffered with Postpartum Depression and Anxiety, the fact was that I was still at home. It was hard, but I could take solace in the fact that I was in my own space. As I was getting better, I started to change my outlook on life and enjoyed watching my son grow. I began to go on outings with him, and spend time doing things as a family. It hurt to think that I was missing out on so much in his life. Was work really worth it?
“I miss my son.” Always. I found myself on my phone constantly. I asked for updates. I looked at his pictures and videos. I yearned for more time. I wished for more memories.
It continued to be a struggle for a few weeks. Luckily for me, my work allowed me to work half days for the first two weeks. It really helped me transition. Yet, it was still difficult the months following.
It did get easy as time went on. I learned to take work as a bit of a break – I could actually eat at a decent time. I could go to the bathroom! I could have adult conversations!
I continued to go therapy weekly as I went through the transition. This really helped me deal with my feelings and find healthy ways to cope with the changes.
I also found that I enjoyed the time that I had with my son more. It’s hard to be away and miss out on a few things, but it also meant that I cherished what we did have together. I don’t take anything for granted.
It’s now been 10 months since I’ve come back to work, and I can say that things are definitely much better. It’s not to say that I don’t have my days.
Overall, I found that I’m a more efficient and happier person. My priorities have changed and I found myself not letting the stress get to me as much. I try to be more efficient and not overcommit to work. I do what I can to still be a valuable employee without sacrificing my family life.
There will always be a competing interest between career and motherhood. It’s all part of being a working mom.
This Mommy is Real 
UGH!! I just went back 2 weeks ago and I keep thinking I’m over reacting but when I finally get him on the weekends I cry so much because I don’t want to go back to work but unfortunately, hubby and I can’t afford to lose one of our incomes.. It’s so hard leaving him and I really wish I could just be home with him 😦 And it doesn’t make it any better that my mother in law isn’t taking care of him the same way.. she has him on her schedule instead of the one I’ve had him on for 3 months, AND she calls herself mama to him 😥 😥 she watches him for free and we think that if we tell her what to do, she won’t watch him anymore…
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I’m so sorry mama! I know it’s really hard but it will get better. You’re not overreacting. It’s a huge change, especially since you’ve had just 3 months with him.
I understand the mother in law drama. Maybe just have a sit down with her and try to make it seem like it would help you a lot more if she kept to your schedule. You can also say that it’s confusing to everyone if she is referred to as mama. Tell her you call her grandma in front of baby, and it’s important to get used to it.
You are the mama, so you get to decide how to raise your child. If you approach her calmly, then she might listen to you.
I have a similar situation, and i constantly have to give her gentle reminders. It’s a little tough for us because we do give her funds to help with her bills. There’s a fine line between acting like a concerned mother vs an employer. Good luck ! It will work out!!
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THIS! This is the real deal, I love your honesty!
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Keira did a great post! She wrote everything that we’re thinking !
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I love how real your post is. And I can see how being a working mom is so much healthier for a mother who wants to work. I can relate as I want to work and I know I will be a better mom for it.
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i didnt return to work (at least outside the home) so I cant relate, but much respect!
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Wow, this post struck a cord with me because I can relate to both sides of a working mom and sahm. With my first child, I went back to work 3 months after. With my second, I decided to stay home. It really is a struggle trying to achieve and do well on both sides.
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Wow, this post struck a cord with me because I can relate to both sides of a working mom and sahm. With my first child, I went back to work 3 months after. With my second, I decided to stay home. It really is a struggle trying to achieve and do well on both sides.
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I haven’t returned to work since having children, but I can totally understand all of these thoughts. I think as mothers we all will always second guess all decisions in regards to our kids.
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Totally relatable! From the feeling that you aren’t sure if you made the right choice, to looking at pictures all day, to honestly enjoying the adult time. It’s such a balancing act.
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I went back after my second was just 3 months old and I was really surprised with how rusty I felt. The mom brain was real and it took a bit for me to readjust to thinking work.
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Such a relatable post! Returning to work is a difficult transition for so many mothers. I think it’s awesome that your boss let you work half days. I’m glad to hear that it gets easier ❤
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I went back to work after my first son was born. I had five months maternity leave, but it didn’t feel long enough. Balance was hard! I am grateful to be able to be at home now with both of my boys and find I need to find the balance of alone time as well.
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Yes i agree! i had 6 months and it wasn’t enough.
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I’m glad you found peace and are enjoying yourself and your son more. Everyone has to make the right decision for their family!
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Yes definitely !
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Being a working mom is very tough and I have missed many events in my children’s lives because of work. However, when I am with them, I try very hard to not use my phone or run errands as that is my time with them. It can be hard to find a balance tho sometimes.
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Yes, it’s a never ending balancing game !
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